Put It Down

"Put it down." It's what we tell our children at the grocery store after we told them don't ask for nothing and don't touch nothing. It's what the men in our lives tell us to do when we try to carry something too heavy. It's also what my daughter tells me when she tries to do something nice for me like take my plate to the kitchen after dinner, and I say, "I got it."

Sometimes I can be the whole problem. It's not on purpose, I just like things a certain way. As women, we tend to carry more then we need to, resent others for their inability to read our minds, and fail to acknowledge if they could read our minds, they still would not do the thing we need them to do our right way.

I believe we create these structures, our right way, because we have a need to be in control. There is so much we cannot control; life, husbands, children, if we will be picked for that promotion, if customers will return to our businesses. In our minds, why can't the towels be folded the way we want, and the bowls stacked smallest to largest and placed in the top left cabinet? Why can't we have designated wash days to make laundry easier, and a strict family schedule that keeps things moving smoothly? There is nothing wrong with structure, until there is something wrong with structure.

How many times have you asked someone for help, and when it was done, you went back behind them and redid it? In one instance you wasted the time and energy you could have saved, and you have told that person that you do not value his or her help. How many times have you told your partner you are overwhelmed, but when they tried to help you got angry at them because they didn't help in the way you wanted, but you did not communicate what you needed?

It's time to put it down, the prideful belief that the world will no longer exist or turn on its axis if you do not do everything yourself. It's time to put down the need to be needed, we have to learn to find our identities in something else. It's time to put it down. The world will not end if you pause for a moment, breathe, and sit down. I know it feels like it will, but when you begin again, everything will be exactly where you left it.

We have to reassess what is the best way verses our way, and identify the things that are a necessity verses a preference. We have to be willing to ask for help, and when offered humbly accept it. We also have to be able to identify the answer to a need. The answer very rarely comes from who we want or how we want it. I am not saying your structure or preferences are a problem, but they could be contributing to a larger problem. The undercurrent of that argument you just had, the fact that your friends and family stopped offering you help, or the reality that you are always alone could be an indicator that it's you and not them. I can think of a couple of moments when it was definitely me.

I am learning that as I put things down, I am creating space for the things that matter. My daughter taking my plate helps me stay more present at the table because as soon as I get up, I am thinking about the next thing I have to get done. It's led to quality time, great stories, and some good laughs. When my husband grabs my bag for me, it's a reminder that I am not alone and that I have help. When I allow myself to abandon the structure and schedule, it leads to what I need; rest, spontaneity, fun, and reminders that I am more than just a mother, wife, employee, and my calendar. It's time to put some things down so you can create and enjoy the life you truly deserve.