No Animals at the Zoo

The world can be a scary place, but there is nothing more terrifying than planning a day for non-school aged children that ends in failure. I planned the greatest outing, and everyone was excited. We entered the zoo, and it was eerily quiet and appeared empty. Being a person that panics internally when things don’t feel right, I plastered an artificial smile on my face and said, “Let’s go have some fun!”

The first stop was the bird habitat. We were greeted with silence; no wings flapping, no heavenly sounds of singing or birds chirping, just silence. Pretending wasn’t easy but I calmly said, “It’s okay. Maybe they are eating on the other side of the exhibit. We will come back.” I was the adult in the situation, and I imagined premature hysterics wouldn’t be a good look.

My walk of shame continued. As we approached the safari exhibit, there was grass and what appeared to be a tree staged in Africa, but it lacked life. Big furry cats yawning lazily? No. Giraffes eating? Not one. Zebras galloping or elephant trunks swinging? Not a chance. This well planned day was a disaster. I could not escape their looks of disappointment, and those sad, long faces sent a signal that translated into mom’s epic failure.

The timing of my recurring dream at a friend’s bachelorette sleepover was awful! You have hit rock bottom when you wake up the next morning to smirking faces and the burning question, “Why weren’t there any animals at the zoo?” We laughed until we cried that day, but then I cried like a baby when I got home because my secret was out.

My battle with insecurity, inadequacy, and anxiety was exposed during a less than drunken night that was supposed to remind me how young, vibrant, and fun I was. Instead I was publicly reminded that I was overwhelmed, tired, and consumed with responsibility. A moment of excitement turned into disappointment, not just in my dream, but in real life.

I can now look back at that moment and enjoy the laughter. Honestly, it was tragic and my party foul list was most likely longer than they will ever admit. In the dream I did my part, but nothing went as expected. In reality, once I was asleep, the sleep talking was beyond my control. I made plans for a full night, but Party Bre took a back seat to overextended Bre, and there was nothing I could do about it.

So what should we do when plans fail and we feel like life knocks us out with one sucker punch to the chin? I have no idea. When I reflect on the situation, the only thing that brings me true relief is a change of perspective.

We all have insecurities, but in that moment I was exposed without my permission. I responded naturally by using laughter as a mask, but it was actually a missed opportunity. The best gift I could have offered in that moment was transparency. I was tired, I was exhausted, I was at my wits end, and it was supposed to be a temporary escape from my current reality. It could have been a place where I, and possibly someone else, received comfort, encouragement, and renewal.

I was great at giving advice and holding conversations but terrible at being human and vulnerable. I mastered the art of sharing enough to connect but withheld enough so that I would not be uncomfortable. Was it bad that the people I called friends witnessed a personal moment? Even more profound, I masked it so well they had no idea it was a personal moment.

I have learned how vital it is to acknowledge and fully process how I feel during “no animals at the zoo” moments. Most importantly, I realized sharing in those moments not only benefit me, it benefits others. When I release control and make a choice to be open, I am regularly reminded that I am not alone. I believe ultimately, deep in our hearts, that is what we all desire. We want to be seen, accepted and understood without judgement. We want the freedom to be perfectly imperfect, and it starts with our perception and ends with our willingness to be open.

This is a safe space so feel free to share your “no animals at the zoo” moments. Through sharing, I guarantee you will help yourself and others.