Mirror Mirror

When you look in the mirror what do you see? When you look in the mirror who do you see?

We spend a large amount of time in the mirror washing our face, brushing our teeth, doing our hair, putting on makeup, but how often do you slow down enough to just look at yourself. I am not talking about with an assessment of flaws, wrinkles, and scars. I am talking about looking in your own eyes to see the sadness or joy that lives behind them, or smiling at yourself because it's a miracle that you are standing there in your right mind. I am referring to moments that you give yourself nods of affirmation, approval, and encouragement because in those moments you are giving yourself permission to live in freedom.

As I enter age 38, it feels different. There is a lightness about it, and I am using more time to really look at myself and stand in how I was created. I am living in full awareness of my flaws, weaknesses, and shortcomings, but they are not my focus. There is too much good, and to many obstacles God has given me the strength to overcome to look down. There is a quiet confidence that has come with age that has caused me to be less bothered by people's opinions. It's not arrogance or pride, it's assurance that everything I need is already in me. It's not bitterness or still rage, it's an awareness that even when I experience disappointment, anger, or grief, no matter how long it takes, I have the tools to find joy and hold on to it. It's a leaning toward my creator because He does all things well, and I am rejecting the culture that says we should have an opinion about everyone and express it about everything.

The last 3 years has taught me so much about the faithfulness of God, Him being strong in my weakness, and that He truly does have a plan. In learning about Him, I have learned about myself. I am a lot stronger than I thought, wisdom really will carry you through confusing situations, prayer works even when you don't have the words, and worship can take you places plain words cannot. I have learned being fully present in moments looks different depending on your emotional state, but being present is still a choice. I have learned being strong is showing weakness because being vulnerable is hard. I have also learned that the greatest gifts you can give others are your heart, honesty, and distance when they need to figure things out. Distance is not abandonment. It provides an opportunity for others to figure out who they are and what they need without you. It helps them think for themselves, mature, and make better decisions on their own. Those are all good things.

When I look in the mirror I see a woman growing and maturing. I am more confident, not because of what I have or what I look like. I am confident because I know who I am, and I am learning more and more about what I have in me. I am finding more value in intangible things; presence, peace, perseverance. Things that once mattered don't, and I have learned how to identify when I am dealing with other people's pain, trauma, and insecurities. When it's not mine, I don't carry it. We call it catch and release. My awareness of it may mean that I need to provide support and have impact, but it does not become mine.

We get to choose what we focus on, what we value, and who we desire to be.

When you look in the mirror what and who do you see? When you look in the mirror what or who do you want to see?