Levels to This

It was a couple years ago that my husband and I were doing lives about once a week. We started doing it because we saw an opportunity to encourage others, and it wasn't extremely common to see a husband and wife being transparent, talking about real life, and having fun at the same time. On one of the lives we were talking about relationships, romantic and platonic. We discussed maturity, choosing your battles, and effective communication. We received a lot of positive feedback from that live, and it felt great that people were connecting with us and our experience.

A couple of days after it was posted, someone commented on the post. "Wow Breanna, you are so different from high school. I really enjoyed listening to what you had to say." Of course I said thank you, but I was not clear why the comment bothered me. It felt like a compliment and at the same time it did not. I did not make any assumptions that the commenter had negative intentions, but I did have to search my heart to figure out my why. Why was I bothered?

My automatic reaction was of course I am different from high school. I was a child then, and now I am an adult. I am a wife and mother, life has happened, I have matured, I should be different. Then I wondered what was so different - that wow came off like I was horrible, and other people's perception is their reality. I typically did not care what people thought, but in that moment it was different. I slowly transitioned to why does it matter, and later came to the conclusion that it did not matter. It did.

It was less about the person's wow, and more about the fact that this person could recognize a clear difference between who I was then and who I am now. She could recognize that I was a lot more humble, life will do that to you. She saw that I was still direct, but it was covered in love, compassion, and grace. I actually care about how a message is delivered now, I cannot say that was the case 20 years ago. I am different, and that is a good thing.

We should be thankful for those who willingly see and verbalize that they see a change in us. There will be more people that hold us to an old version of ourselves, refusing to make an effort to see who we have become or who we are becoming. It is an unfortunate consequence of life, that many people cannot elevate with us because they hold on to who we used to be. History with a person can be a blessing and a curse unless you have a relationship with someone that is growing too.

There are levels to this, and in a moment of immaturity, I almost missed someone recognizing that I had leveled up. Whatever her motive, even if it had negative connotation concerning my past, the difference she saw was real, it was evident, it was authentic, and it was me. I wouldn't be able to follow a trail back to that 15 year old girl, and if I could, I would not. I would not be who I am now without her, and in 20 years I will be saying the same thing about this 37 year old woman.

I hope you fully acknowledge who you used to be, and tell her thank you for the good, the bad, and the indifferent. I did not look ahead with an expectation that this is who I would be in my future, but I did decide that I did not want to be the same. I hope you fully embrace who you are and where you are right now in this moment. I know you are not exactly where you want to be, but you are further along then you think. Growth takes time, maturity is a process, and as you take action, you will look up and things will be different. I hope you accept those who cannot see who you have become. They have their own process, and you cannot waste time trying to convince them that you have changed. You are not responsible for managing their understanding. Keep moving, and they will catch up, or releasing them will create space for those who can support you in the new season you are in.

We are in a season of transition and I cannot wait to stand at the top of this next level with a clear view of what's behind me and what is in front of me. Someone else may say, "Wow Breanna, you are completely different from how you were in your 20s," and I will smile, say thank you, and fully receive that compliment.