It's Happening

Have you ever had something in your heart quietly? You did not talk about it because it was in the infant stage, and if it was going to happen, you were afraid saying it out loud would suddenly make it not happen. It is the one dream maybe you had since you were a child, but when people asked what you wanted to do, you never shared it. You were unsure it would be accepted or understood, and it was too sacred to give someone an opportunity to taint it or criticize it.

If you were not that child, I was. When I saw my first comfy reading corner in Ms. Callaluca's kindergarten class, that's the only place I wanted to be. When it was time for centers, my friends had to convince me that the kitchen playhouse was more fun then entering the worlds in each book that was on those bookshelves. When I finished them all, she started bringing books from home. It was in kindergarten that I knew I wanted to see my own name on one of those books, and a little seed was planted.

Life continued, school continued, but it would be three years before that desire became a dream. I was eight years old when I read my first Maya Angelou book, I Know Why a Caged Bird Sings. It was the first book that I read that didn't just connect to my imagination, it connected to me as a person. I took a deep dive and checked out all of her books at the library; autobiographies, poetry, even cassettes of her speaking. I remember my mother looking at me and asking as we stood in line, I didn't want any help carrying them, "Are you going to read all of those?" I confidently told her yes, and I did. Maya was so much; an author, poet, actress, dancer, activist, mother, and I wanted to be her. I still have moments when I wish I would have been more intentional about meeting her in real life, but I am grateful that she left a legacy of who she is so that at any moment I can experience her wisdom, power, and voice.

It's happening. That little girl's dream is happening, and I cannot help but be in awe of God that he heard my little five year old heart, sitting on that bean bag chair. No matter what has happened in my life, He led me to this place. As I read the email this week, editing is complete and we are waiting on the sample, I felt joy, gratefulness, relief, and fulfillment. It is something I do not remember ever feeling all at once.

Sometimes in life we get encouragement, but not the affirmation we desperately need to feel confident about what we put into this earth. I know people look at the things I have done and would question if I'm unconfident, insecure, or full of fear. I am when it comes to the things that seem impossible or too big. Some things come naturally to me, some things I have done because I was told to, this however was one of those things for me.

Thank you Kellie B. Books for walking with me through this process. The day you told me I was an exceptional writer (and meant it), I ugly cried after our call. I have heard you are smart, gifted, administrative, all the things, but never affirmed in an area that I love and in most cases kept to myself. I want to affirm all of you. Whatever it is that you desire, you already are. I was an author sitting in that comfy reading corner. It took some time to remember who I am, develop my voice, and grow into the stories I needed to tell, but I am and I have always been an author.

You too! You are a poet. You are a beautician. You are an artist. You are a singer. You are a chef. You are a wife. You are a mother. You are a doctor. You are a lawyer. You are a counselor. You are a minister. You are a teacher. You are a speaker. You are a business owner. Whatever is required to become in reality, what you desire in your heart, is already in you. It's time to start showing externally, who you already are internally. Yes it can be scary, no you cannot tell everyone, but hold that little seed close, water it, and begin to walk it out. Just watch how it grows because it's happening.