In the Beginning

In every area of our lives we have an "in the beginning" story. Everything starts somewhere, and with those fresh starts we have expectations, plans, and desires. I believe reflecting on those moments can shed light on where we are and prepare us for where we want to be.

I remember one of my fresh starts. We had recently had my daughter, we already had a 4-year-old son, and we were in a two bedroom apartment. I was a stay at home mom at the time, and I was struggling. I was completely fine with the physical space we were in, but mentally and emotionally I was a wreck. I did not have many outlets, we lacked support, I felt like a cow because I had a tiny human attached to me because she was always hungry, and honestly every day almost looked exactly the same.

My husband on the other hand felt like we needed more physical space. He was always focused on forward movement and growth. He looked around and felt like we had outgrown our apartment and it was time for something new. We were in the same house, with a different focus, and different needs. He left daily and I stayed home. He wanted more space physically, I needed more space mentally. Our days were polar opposites, and our needs were too.

I remember the day he found the rental house we would move into. It was a 2-story home, double living room, three bedrooms, all rooms upstairs, and an open concept. He saw space, more space to entertain, our children could have their own rooms, and a large backyard (to entertain). I saw my Saturday cleaning schedule double, the stairs were a safety hazard because my one year old daughter was busy climbing on everything and almost fully walking. I also saw all my weekends disappear because I would never have an empty house again.

How could something so good feel so bad?

As I reflect on that season of life, I can tell you how it started is how it went for me the entire time we lived there. Our house stayed full, and my heart was full of sadness. We gained so much more space physically, but I was in one of the worst mental states of my life when we lived there. Our home stayed perfectly clean the vast majority of the time, but I could have benefited from skipping one of those scheduled deep cleaning Saturdays to refresh my mind and my heart.

What could have been a fresh start, a way to no longer experience the same day everyday, was a reoccurring saga of that small 2-bedroom apartment. I am sharing this because "in the beginning" moments are not just big moments. Your in the beginning can be when you wake up and decide what is most important. What are you going to focus on? What you focus on will navigate your experience. What you focus on will determine if you enjoy something or not. What you focus on will determine if you can be fully present in each moment. My inability to consistently focus on the good caused me to forfeit fully experiencing the good.

I want to challenge you to decide when your new beginning will start. You do not have to wait for the big move, the new job, or for a change in your relationship. It can start right now. And when you decide, I want you to find at least one positive thing you are going to focus on in this transition. Let's focus on the good together so that your "in the beginning" will be as positive as your ending.